


Need.

by kawaii_titan



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Smut, kinda sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-12
Updated: 2013-12-12
Packaged: 2018-01-04 10:06:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1079692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kawaii_titan/pseuds/kawaii_titan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi never had been a needy man.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Need.

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote half of this at like three in the morning  
> not beta'd sorry not sorry  
> ehhhh i just needed some sad erwinlevi to get me through the day ((:  
> enjoy!

Levi never had been a needy man. He'd never had a reason to be, despite his rather ominous past in the slums under Wall Rose. Never as a young boy did he want something so badly he would commit heinous deeds to get whatever it was. To be honest, the closest thing to illegal he'd ever done was pick a few pieces of fruit from the basket of a local citizen. They didn't notice, but Levi never did get to eat that stolen meal. Times were hard as a child. Times were still hard, and he was a grown man. 

Even when he'd been given the very weighty choice to either be jailed along with the group of rogues he took along the underground city, or to join the military, where he would most certainly face death, Levi didn't beg. He didn't cry or plead for the men who captured him to give him a warning and be off with it, because he didn't need that. Levi did not need to be pitied, and he did not need to prove anything to anyone. He'd joined the military, because he definitely didn't need his pack to be jailed for his own incompetence.

Erwin Smith was a bastard. The man, who gave Levi the choice of being incarcerated or being trained as a stunt devil, was evil, though his usually soft blue eyes and prim trim atop his head usually didn't give that away. Being a Commander of the Scouting Legion made him hard-going and unfeeling, though most mistook that for courageous. However, what the public saw was a lie. Levi knew better. Levi knew that the Commander carelessly threw lives onto the battlefield, and he rarely respected each of his soldiers', sending them out without another word. He lacked any sort of natural remorse. When the very soldiers he sent out beyond the walls, and while those soldiers thought they were changing humanity, Erwin stared out from his window to see the carnage left behind, eyes as dull as the letter opener he'd just tossed away. 

His cover was his intelligence and his pride. Erwin Smith feigned emotion in front of high-ups, because, to him, his job was everything. Erwin loved his power. More than himself, Levi sometimes thought. When it seemed that Erwin showed signs of guilt, warmth, sadness, joy, love, and everything in between, it was because someone of higher authority was somewhere just around the corner. Erwin didn't care. And even if everyone around him was blind to that, Levi knew. 

Levi knew how much of a bastard Erwin really was, because Levi learned under him. Humanity's strongest soldier was taken by the throat to stay under the Commander's wing all those years ago. To be honest, it would probably be less excruciating to be a prisoner, and possibly walk executioner's lane. Through the rigorous and bruising training to be the strongest soldier ever created, Levi was also told to not feel. Erwin told him that showing emotion would only get in his way (not Levi's way- Erwin's way) and that emotion would only get him eaten in a heartbeat. Erwin would take him to watch public executions in Town Square, which were strictly vanilla- hanging. Sometimes, when permitted, he would be taken to more private showings, which weren't so banal. Erwin kept Levi's face on the scene, making the trainee watch with horror as necks were cut, eyeballs were gouged, nails were ripped, skin was peeled, and everything else that would make even a grown man weep. Levi was forced to watch until he didn't feel that twist in his gut any longer, until he didn't feel the need to throw up with every second that passed, until he could finally look at food and not see a pile of intestines from that say's torture. Levi was scared, at first, and it was all because of Erwin fucking Smith.

The psychological horrors worked, though, to Smith's sick pleasure. Levi's eyes had dulled, like they have seen hell themselves, over time, and his skin had paled. He hadn't talked to other trainees as much as he'd used to, and that made him undesirable. Levi didn't want to be undesirable, but he was not a needy man. By this time, all Levi needed was to train, eat, sleep, and wake up in time for classes again. 

Townspeople around the walls thought Erwin was a brave young soul for taking a punk in and forcing him into a life of near slavery. They all thought Erwin was the hero for saving Levi. They all thought Levi was still just a piece of garbage that wouldn't amount to anything. Times were cruel. They always have been.

Levi wasn't surprised by the fact that Erwin had always been stressed. Learning to stay by the Commander's side all the time, he picked up on a few things. Like how Erwin's brow creased whenever he would turn the corner, as if he were waiting for something to jump out at him. He always kept an extra bolo tie in his breast pocket because he thought they were lucky, though Levi didn't believe in such things. Erwin would get angry if his hair wasn't properly combed to the side. He would cuss like a sailor and trudge all the way back to his office to comb it again. Usually it was stiff because of the amount of gel that was put into it. Erwin stressed out over the slightest of things- like if his papers weren't ordered neatly on his desk, and if his quill and ink were slightly askew to the right. If a book was resting on the seat of his chair, that meant that Erwin was in the washroom, and if he forgot to put it there he would feel paranoid for the rest of the day. Tiny, unimportant things were the things Levi picked up on. No longer did he whip himself in thinking why Commander Erwin Smith was so...fake.

When Levi slept with Erwin for the first time, it was because he thought he was in love. He thought he loved the way Erwin barked orders, the way he combed his hair, and the way he watched executions. Levi thought he was in love with Erwin's absolutely authority over the people he met. The man oozed sovereignty, and it didn't hesitate to make Levi's heart clench whenever he heard that deep, rooted voice wrap around him like an itchy blanket that promised plague. 

He wasn't sure how it happened. It could have been the eye contact that dragged on for too long of a time, or maybe it was the way Levi slid his report across Erwin's desk like he was afraid of it burning into a million little pieces of ash and dust, slowly and carefully. Maybe it wasn't something Levi did. Maybe Erwin decided to be a little daring that day, despite his busy schedule. Either way, one of their antics led to Levi being pressed down stomach first over the Commander's desk, clawing at the mahogany with one hand while the other arm was twisted behind his back. It led to Erwin fucking him until Levi couldn't breath, and to calloused fingers in Levi's raven hair, pulling and yanking until heavy tears pricked those dull eyes. Erwin was silent except for the occasional breath and grunt. He vaguely groaned 'Corporal', and it was over. Afterwards, when Levi was awkwardly dressing himself again, he felt something. It had to be love.

Erwin only left a book on his seat.

It happened again, albeit about two months later. Levi had only dropped off another report after their expedition outside of Wall Maria. Again, a failure. Erwin had been stressed over the pile of papers clogging his work space, he noted, when he'd walked in with the report. Levi almost didn't want to hand over the report. He still loved Erwin, very much so. The Corporal handed the report over to Erwin, and that same, evil man snatched it out of his hands with a growl, blue eyes glaring into unemotional grays. They were both silent for a moment, and that's when Erwin decided he needed his stress taken care of.

Levi had been dominated against the wall this time. His cheek was pressed against the fine brick, scraping the skin against his cheek and shoulders. It wasn't the most comfortable position, but he would let Erwin fuck him any way he wanted. This time it was uneventful. They didn't talk to each other. The only sounds came from Levi's muffled mouth, and the occasional grunt from Erwin. When it was finished, Levi felt a little emptier, for some reason. The thrill of being forced into submission by his superior was wearing off. Maybe. Not likely.

There was a pattern, Levi noticed. Between Erwin and Levi, having sex was a normality now. They both wouldn't go displeased for more than a week. But there was something wrong. Levi hadn't picked up on it the first time, second, or even third. By the forth time, he was starting to pick up on it, and by the fifth, he was completely aware. Erwin never said Levi's name, and he never let their eyes come into contact while they did it. While Levi cried Erwin's name, Erwin gritted his teeth and kept moving inside of him. While Levi tried to look over his shoulder at the Commander's sweaty, flushed face, Erwin was pressing his head harder into whatever surface they were fucking against.

"Corporal," Erwin breathed into Levi's shoulder blade. The raven-haired man had been promoted that day, given the title 'Corporal', and also the title 'Humanity's Strongest Soldier'. The Recon Corps. had a bit of a party to celebrate. No one would have thought that a rat from the streets would make it this far in the military, make it to such importance in the world. They all drank, ate, and joked. It was a proud day for Levi, and Erwin had to be proud, too. He's the one who taught him, after all. 

Especially now, as Erwin held Levi down over his desk with one hand- the other holding Levi's hips- and fucked him senseless, he thought that he could feel pride flow through the Commander, his Commander. As he felt himself being stretched around Erwin's throbbing cock, Levi loved to think that the one he obviously loved could finally love him back. Erwin had to love him right now. How couldn't he? Levi turned out to be everything Erwin wanted- strong, independent, unfeeling-

Unfeeling. Not able to feel. Levi...wasn't that. Levi wasn't unfeeling at all. As Erwin drove him into the mahogany desk, Levi came to the realization that he wasn't unfeeling. Levi felt blind love for the Commander. He had to. What else could the twist in his gut mean when Erwin yelled at one of his men? What else could the sink of his stomach mean when Erwin looked at him? It all had to be love. If Levi felt love, he wasn't 'unfeeling'.

Independent? No, not that either. Levi depended on those stares and that firm voice of Commander Erwin Smith. Levi depended on Erwin to keep himself level headed. He depended on Erwin to leave that book on the chair when he went to the washroom. Levi depended on everything Erwin did so his world wouldn't crumble, because Erwin was all Levi needed. 

And that mean't Levi wasn't strong, either. Which also meant Levi was nothing Erwin wanted. 

Levi had turned into something he swore he never would be- needy. 

As the Commander pressed into Levi once more, then quickly pulled out and released his load over the Corporal's thighs and broken ass, Levi caught his breath, eyes hazy and a little watery. He wouldn't cry, though. It meant weakness. And even though Levi was at his weakest right now, he wouldn't cry in front of Erwin. 

"Dress," Erwin ordered, releasing Levi's head from the desk, then tucking his dick back into his underwear and doing up his pants as they were before Levi came into the room. Levi looked over at Erwin with narrowed eyes, then pressed his lips together in a tight line. When he did that, he realized that Erwin's never kissed him, either. Instead of thinking on that anymore than he needed to, Levi collected his clothes from the floor, slowly pulling them on. Keeping his eyes down, Levi could hear Erwin's steps maneuver around the room until he sat himself back in his desk chair. 

When Levi finished dressing, he stood straight, his eyes carefully dragging over to Erwin's working form. He'd been writing letters to the families of those who had been killed during the last expedition. Levi frowned and looked to the side, then looked back to the Commander. He just...

"I love you," Levi said quietly, tying his cravat around his neck. He saw Erwin's fingers tighten around his quill and his eyelids fall only slightly. The fingers holding the paper steady clenched, making the letter crumple slightly at the top left corner. There was a long silence, one that made Levi want to piss his pants. His stomach lurched agonizingly, making him want to throw up. His head felt awfully heavy on his shoulders. His heart? It kept beating. It didn't feel the pain the rest of his body was feeling. 

The silence dragged on and on until Levi registered the fact that Erwin probably wasn't going to answer. Levi swallowed thickly, then gave his cravat another tight tug so it wouldn't fall from his neck. He looked to the door, letting his arms fall to his sides before walking to it. Each step felt like he was back on death row, like he was just fighting to live- like he was a child again, stealing food out of passer-byers' baskets and not getting to eat it. Each step felt like the kind of dissatisfaction one felt when they achieved something great, but couldn't do anything with it besides cry over it. Years of work and nothing good came out of being Corporal Levi Rivaille. 

Once outside the now closed door, the way Erwin didn't stop him when he walked off made him realize one thing. When Erwin wouldn't allow Levi to look at him when they fucked, or when Erwin would allow Levi any pleasure, and even when Erwin wouldn't say anything more than 'Corporal' in bed, Levi realized something. When Erwin fucking Smith took Levi under his wing for training instead of sending him off to his death, and when Erwin fucking Smith took him to watch gruesome executions and sacrifices, and when Erwin fucking Smith didn't congratulate Levi on becoming Humanity's Strongest Soldier, Levi realized one fucking thing.

He didn't love Commander Erwin Smith. He feared him. 

And, in these hard times, fear was all Levi needed.


End file.
